Silent Sanctuary: 6 Postpartum Secrets from Perinatal Therapists

Understanding the Postpartum Experience

As a planner, I've always been someone who prepares meticulously for everything, from vacation itineraries to restaurant reservations. However, even with all the research and preparation, the postpartum period still caught me off guard in ways I never anticipated. New motherhood is filled with challenges that go beyond the practical aspects of caring for a baby. It also involves navigating a wide range of emotions, which can be overwhelming and difficult to manage.

The journey of motherhood is beautiful but often challenging, and small changes or mindset shifts can make a significant difference in how you experience this stage of life. To gain more insight, we spoke with perinatal therapists about what they wish more new mothers knew during this time.

Intrusive Thoughts: A Common but Misunderstood Experience

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, vivid thoughts that often involve harm coming to your baby. These thoughts are surprisingly common during the postpartum period, with approximately 70% of new mothers reporting such experiences, according to the National Institutes of Health.

These thoughts can be extremely distressing, as they may include images of your baby falling down the stairs or slipping under bathwater. The fear that your mind could even entertain such thoughts can be unsettling. Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, a therapist specializing in postpartum mental health, explains that while the exact cause of these thoughts is not fully understood, factors like sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and the instinct to protect your baby likely play a role.

If these thoughts fade over time and do not interfere with daily life, they typically resolve on their own. However, if they feel overwhelming or start affecting your day-to-day activities, it's important to seek help from a therapist who specializes in postpartum mental health.

Managing Overstimulation with Noise-Reducing Earplugs

Babies cry to communicate, and up to three hours of crying per day is normal in the first few months. While this is expected, the constant noise can be stressful and overstimulating for new mothers.

Becca Reed, LCSW, PMH-C, a perinatal mental health and trauma therapist, suggests using noise-reducing earplugs to manage this overstimulation. These earplugs can be especially helpful for mothers who are neurodivergent, have sound sensitivities, or find themselves struggling to regulate their emotions when the cries seem endless.

Reed notes that some brands of noise-reducing earplugs are available, but simple earplugs used at concerts or swimming can also work effectively.

Grief: A Normal Emotion in the Postpartum Period

Many new mothers might expect to feel stress or anxiety alongside the joy of welcoming their baby, but feelings of grief can come as a surprise. It's completely normal to grieve the life you had before becoming a mother. Becca Reed emphasizes that many mothers feel guilty when these thoughts arise, but it's important to know that you can deeply love your baby and still miss your previous life.

Gabrielle Sanderson, LMHC, lead psychotherapist and founder at Noetic Therapy, adds that developing a motherhood identity takes time. Navigating two identities—modern working woman and selfless mother—can be challenging. It's also normal to feel grief around your birth experience, even as you're grateful for a healthy baby. If you've experienced previous losses, it's okay to be happy and grateful for your current baby while still grieving the loss of another.

Practical Tips for New Mothers

An extra-long charging cord is a common item on hospital bag checklists, but it can also be useful once you're home with your newborn. Slavens mentions that a charged phone can feel like a lifeline during long feeding sessions or nap times. However, it's important to be mindful of how time spent on social media affects you. You may encounter parenting content that leads to comparison or self-doubt.

If you start feeling overwhelmed by social media, consider taking a break or setting limits on these apps. Finding balance is key to maintaining your mental well-being.

Dealing with Postpartum Rage

Postpartum rage, sometimes referred to as "mom rage," is real. It can manifest as extreme anger or irritability, often triggered by small things like your partner buying the wrong brand of yogurt. Other symptoms may include the urge to scream at others or feeling frustrated enough to slam a door or punch something.

Thankfully, much of this tends to improve as hormones stabilize and sleep becomes more consistent. If your anger feels out of control, it's essential to talk to your doctor about your symptoms as soon as possible.

Using Humor to Cope

Humor can be a powerful tool for managing postpartum emotions. One of Slavens' favorite tricks involved a client who narrated her experiences like David Attenborough, the broadcaster known for nature documentaries. This technique helped her put things into perspective and avoid spiraling into negative emotions.

If this approach doesn't resonate with you, try watching a rom-com or calling a friend who makes you laugh. Humor can be an incredibly effective way to shift your mood and regain a sense of control.